Passionless Fashion

transforming our lives by transforming our wardrobes

Day 24 – Monday

Ena - Day 24

Ena: In case you hadn’t heard, it’s summer here in Los Angeles, and the doom-and-gloom that was Friday’s post seems inappropriate, for now.   Yes, my last post was…bleak, to say the least…but that’s how I felt, and, as Bina has reminded me numerous times throughout the course of our project, honesty is an important part of the process.  So, that’s what you get; the truth – bleak or not-so-bleak.

I woke up late today and with a splitting headache – caused, no doubt, by this weekend’s shopping excursions in which large sums of money were spent without benefit to my own wardrobe; ah, the true pain of the holiday season – so an easy, no fuss outfit was required.  And, since the thermometer hit upwards of 80 today, something light and cool was also in order.

So, here you have it: a comfortable, warm weather, no-brainer outfit – translation: a style-less, thrown together, thoughtless mess.  But, good weather, good attitude, so no complaints from me.  There is, thankfully if not dauntingly, always tomorrow, and I am sure it will be much better than today.  Truly, I am.

Bina - Day 24

Bina: Boy, Friday’s post was depressing.  I’m not going to lie to you and say that I’m all better now.  I’m still struggling. But I did manage to put on a dress and come to work this morning.  So that’s something.

Some of you may be wondering why I haven’t sought out psychotherapy.  Well, I have.  After over a year delving into my childhood and relationship history in therapy, I decided to stop those regular sessions during the spring.  Then, at the end of summer, I decided I didn’t want to take anti-depressants anymore.  I had taken them for over a year, and I didn’t want to be dependent on them any longer.  I felt like I was in a better place.  I felt like I could handle life.  I was also dating someone who I was very excited about – and let’s face it, that’s really the best antidepressant money can buy.  Well, for a while anyway.  So I slowly weaned myself off the pills, decreasing my dosage slightly over the course of a month or so.  At first, I didn’t really notice much difference.  I had a few headaches, but nothing seemed too alarming.  I was fine. I felt happy.

Things unraveled after that.  It has taken a few months, and the demise of a sweet and fun fledgling relationship, to bring me to this place.  In retrospect, I realize with the way I am falling apart right now, he was probably right to end things.  I most likely would have attempted to lean on him to help me get through this adjustment period, and I don’t think he was equipped to do that. I have to learn how to take care of myself.  But I do need some help.  So I’m trying to ask for it now.  From my friends and loved ones.  From Ena – who kindly sits and listens to me each day, and who, frankly, I think should pursue a career as a psychiatrist.  And I just called to make an appointment to see my therapist.  Because I realize my friends and loved ones aren’t fully equipped to help me either.

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One response to “Day 24 – Monday

  1. Maura December 14, 2010 at 9:36 am

    Ena – You are crazy and you need a new mirror…you look totally cute!

    Bina – Just letting you know that I’ve been there/done that – in high school, out of high school, therapy, no therapy, and I DID use a guy as a crutch (which practically ruined an amazing relationship – though I’m happy to say things worked out with much effort). Be proud of yourself…you are acknowledging what you need while you need it. Most people take a back seat to their own lives, it sounds like you are not one of those people – and that is something to be proud of! Hang in there, things always get better! Also, I myself am no longer on anti-depressants and have not been for quite some time…I have had some REALLY bad days, but as my wonderful sister always remindes me – the bad times can be looked at as exciting, because they are the times you learn so much about yourself and they are the times that give you the opportunity to grow.

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