Ena - Day 27
Ena: Work to be done before vacation is piling up rapidly just as time seems to be slipping away. Isn’t that always the way? Thank goodness I’ve got all – or, almost all – of my Christmas shopping, wrapping and shipping done; at least my evenings won’t be as hectic as these last few work days.
Today I am wearing one of the two dresses that I have which I find acceptable for work – that is, they are not too fancy, revealing, or embarrassing – and I wore the other one yesterday, so there you have it, my entire collection. Wearing dresses and skirts as part of this project has been huge for me. Until recently I had worn nothing but pants to work for the last four years. The way I see it, my reasons are twofold.
First, for the last 25 years and until this past June I had been a student, a poor student, so my non-work wardrobe consisted primarily of jeans, sneakers, t-shirts, and sweatshirts…lots of them. During high school, my work wardrobe was a standard issue Safeway uniform, perfect for bagging groceries and fetching wayward carts. Throughout my college years I worked at hospitals which required me to wear scrubs, which are just like pajamas and pretty much my dream, and coffee shops which required me to wear black clothing from head to toe which became permeated with coffee stains and scents within days. So, the gist, I had no need, money, or desire, to fill my closets with anything other than jeans, sneakers, t-shirts, and sweatshirts.
Second, and perhaps more importantly, I hate my legs. There, I’ve said it. And yes, I know that everyone hates their legs and that it’s a complete cliché, but I don’t care; I hate them. My feelings toward my lower limbs haven’t always been this dysfunctional, in fact there was a time – albeit over a decade ago – when I quite liked them. The turning point was in 1996 (yes, I remember the date) when I tore my ACL – that’s anterior cruciate ligament for those that don’t know – and meniscus in my right knee while playing soccer. Yes, it hurt and yes, it ended my promising soccer career but that wasn’t the worst part of it; the worst part was atrophy. Atrophy is the partial or complete wasting away of a part of the body and it is traumatizing…at least, it was for me.
Third (sorry, forgot there was a third), I cannot tan, and it is a fact that legs of all shapes and sizes look at least 75% better when tanned. And those are the reasons that I do not (normally) wear skirts or dresses; laziness, habit, self-consciousness, and pigmentation. Really, are there any better reasons? To be honest, though I’d like to credit my bravery, the only reason that I am wearing them at all now is because it’s winter and I can hide behind leggings and thick, dark tights.
Only time will tell if I am able to come to terms with my insecurities, or if I am able to continue the non-pants-wearing trend into the warmer months, but I’d like to think that, by my participation in this project, I am working on it. I am taking baby steps, figuratively and literally. Seriously, skirts are tight, dresses are short, and high heels are dangerous, so (much like a baby) my steps are short, cautious, and somewhat wobbly. I find it fitting…and humiliating.
Bina - Day 27
Bina: The mystery of the chirping smoke alarm has been solved! A few weeks ago, the smoke alarm in my apartment started chirping. I replaced the battery. Then, a few days ago, I heard a chirp again! What?! I just changed your battery! I changed the battery again. Later, I heard another chirp. WTF. I dismantled the damn thing. Yesterday, when I got home from dinner with Alexis, I heard the chirp again. I got a chair to examine the situation. I couldn’t figure out why it was still chirping! I felt like Phoebe on Friends, on the brink of smashing the smoke alarm with my shoe and yelling “What do you want from meeeeee?!!!” Then I went in my room. Chirp! I looked up. Another smoke alarm. So the answer to the mystery – I’m an idiot. I was, however, quite relieved to know that I haven’t completely lost my mind.
For some reason, solving the smoke alarm issue made me sleep a little easier. And I finally managed to get warm – so what if I have no one to snuggle with right now, that’s what down comforters and cats are for, right? So I woke up a little more rested today. And a little more determined to bring some A-game to this project.
This morning, I walked into the Water Tower Café and the jovial man who manages the place was manning the cash register. He exclaimed, “Wow, you look STUNNING today. I mean, you look great every day but today, today you get extra credit!” I blushed and said thanks. He asked my name and I told him. As is custom, he asked where the name originated. When I said India, he asked “What does it mean – beautiful goddess???” Ha! Nicely played, sir. Nicely played.
As the day wore on, there were comments and glances at every turn. I’m sure that gets annoying for some people. Today, I relished every second. I have never been said “Hello” to by so many strangers in one day before. Interesting. I walked across the lot to yoga, smiling and returning greetings to at least 5 different men along the way. And today in class…I DID MY VERY FIRST HEADSTAND. This is very exciting. To me, anyway. True, it was up against a wall, and I needed a little assistance to get there, but I did it. My instructor said headstands are a great way to quiet the brain. Maybe I need to do a headstand every day…