Passionless Fashion

transforming our lives by transforming our wardrobes

Daily Archives: December 21, 2010

Day 30 – Tuesday

Ena - Day 30

Ena: Well, much like yesterday, it is still raining and I still have nothing to wear in the rain.  So, I guess that’s that.  As suspected, a thorough tossing of my closets turned up nothing in the way of stylish rain apparel or even waterproof clothing, and I found myself attempting to get ready for work this morning with very few options – how that is different from any other morning, I do not know.

After discovering that my “rain” boots have sprung a leak, I am left with exactly two pairs of waterproof shoes; the ones I am wearing today and my running shoes, which may not actually be waterproof, but which definitely do not have holes in the soles – I know this to be true because I have hardly worn them…great, now I’m depressed.

Since returning from the Thanksgiving holiday I don’t even wanna think about how many weeks ago, I have been to the gym exactly three times.  There, I’ve said it.  Prior to the break I had been exercising three to four days a week during my lunch hour, but since returning my workload has not allowed me to keep the same schedule.  Work really does get in the way of life.

And, to make matters worse, our office has been experiencing an onslaught of gifted sweets since Halloween.  Unfortunately, efforts have been ramped-up in recent weeks due to the upcoming holiday, and getting from my office to the bathroom is like navigating an empty calorie minefield; I find myself faced with cookies, brownies, muffins, and cupcakes at every turn.  Danger!

Just today I have consumed three extremely buttery and delicious cookies which were delivered to our office courtesy of some bastard client; three cookies!  I didn’t even space them out, I just shoveled them into my mouth as fast as I could…as if that would allow me to avoid the impending shame spiral.  I have also had two rich dark chocolate truffles and half of a muffin.

Don’t worry, I have no intention of turning this blog into a food diary…though, maybe I should.  I wonder if knowing that at the end of each day I was obligated to share – with the five people who actually read this blog at least – what I have put in my body would have as life-changing an effect on me as knowing that I’m obligated to share what I have put on it.

Bina - Day 30

Bina: Last Sunday, something happened.  It had been a rough weekend for my psyche, filled with doubt and self-loathing and misery, but I had given myself a pep talk and put on a dress to go out and socialize at my friends’ holiday party.  I was actually having quite a lovely time – it was nice to see my sweet and supportive friends in one room together (some of us in our holiday finest, others in ratty t-shirts) – when I heard a loud voice.  Suddenly, the room seemed like it was shrinking.  No, it wasn’t an ex-boyfriend.  It was someone I hadn’t seen in years whom I strongly dislike, and I do not dislike many people, but you know what, I hate this guy.  The reasons for our mutual dislike are too convoluted to get into here, but he has felt the need to insult me on more than one occasion.  I was sitting on the couch talking to my friend Katie and feeling decent about myself when this guy sat down right next to me and said “So Bina, still single, huh?” and then he got up and walked away.

Now, perhaps I read way too much into that remark.  Or perhaps he’s an asshole.  Either way, it shouldn’t have mattered.  But at that moment, in my heartbroken haze, it did.  It mattered a lot.  My head was swimming with all the questions I had been asking myself all weekend  – “What’s wrong with you?” was at the top of the list – and tears immediately sprang to my eyes.  I had to get out of there immediately.  Katie encouraged me not to let that jerk get to me, but I did.  I went to the restroom and pulled myself together. I gathered my things and did my best not to Irish-goodbye the whole party.

Now, as I sit here a week and a half later, that remark seems, well, irrelevant.  I spend far too much time worrying about what everyone else thinks of me all the time, when in reality, they probably don’t give me much thought at all.  I’ve spent quite a long time trying to live my life by other people’s standards and it hasn’t worked out so great.  Although I’m still feeling a little blue and each day is a new challenge, I’m starting to see the world again.  And the world gets to see these goofy pictures of me attempting to be stylish.

Seriously, what am I doing?  Hiding?  Begging for bread?  Peeing on a fire-hydrant?  Who knows?  But I’m doing it wearing a sweater I bought in Tokyo and then relegated to a bottom drawer for the last 5 years.   Now that I have it on, I find myself admiring its sweet details, warmth, and excellent quality.  I should wear it more often.