Passionless Fashion

transforming our lives by transforming our wardrobes

Day 39 – Wednesday

Ena: Well, the Week From Hell marches on, slowly draining my energy and robbing me of my motivation.  That is not a complaint; that is a fact.  But, the good news is that it’s almost over, and I am happy to say that I have done a pretty decent job of maintaining an optimistic attitude…though, this may have more to do with the upcoming long weekend than with my powers of positive thinking.

The other good news is that Bina is back, and, while she is not completely healthy yet, it is wonderful to have her here.  Her positive energy is invigorating and her support and encouragement are invaluable; I really missed her.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask her to marry me or anything, it’s just that it’s easy to take someone for granted until they are gone, and I want to give her the props she deserves.  Without her, I would never have made it this far.

Ok, now on to the outfit.  Um, what’s there to say?  I’ve worn this before, that’s obvious…today I am wearing it with my new boots (when does something technically stop being “new”?)…um…I am also wearing a thin silver chain around my neck…um.  I suppose the most important thing about what I am wearing today is that it is indicative of the fact that I am completely out of ideas, resources, time, inspiration, my mind.  I am feeling a tad…lackluster.  I need help.  I need to read some magazines.  I need to check out some blogs.  I need to go shopping.  I need to…shoot; I need to go to another meeting.

Bina: Well, I’m here.  Slightly off-kilter, I am suffering from ataxia, as Ena says.  I think it’s due to the medication the doc prescribed to help me get some sleep. I keep kind of listlessly wandering to one side – my balance isn’t quite back to its usual stunning prowess, but that’s not really saying much. I have been known to walk into a glass door on humiliating occasion.

 Anyway, after 5 days of feeling like hell, struggling to drive myself to the doctor, getting meds, getting some soup and fluids, watching How to Train Your Dragon too many times and getting some sleep, I’m still alive.  Not to sound too dramatic.  But it can be infinitely more challenging and actually also more restful being sick when you are single.  Yes, there are those times I miss whatever boyfriend I had at the time who would happily run out and fetch me Sprite and Saltines and touch my forehead with love and affection and tell me to keep resting.  Then, there were the boyfriends who told me to toughen up and get up and go to work.  The men who said “If it hurts when you cough, don’t cough.”  There were the men who suggested the gym was the best way to toughen up and sweat out the toxins.  There were the men who refused to believe anyone was sick at all, or if you were, it was disgusting.  Anyway, there was no disputing, this was the kind of real sickness that had me down for the count and I was kind of thankful that no one had to witness it, save my new doctor.

 Really, the toughest part is just getting to the doc and getting the drugs and supplies, and yes, I know I could ask a friend – I’m stubborn and hate to be a nuisance.  As for the rest – my  bed, my Kleenex, my kitties, and my DVD collection are really all I need.   Because the thing I needed most of all, more than anything, was really good sleep.  My affliction with insomnia began a few years ago.  I’ve always been quite the lover of sleeping-in and naptime.  Anyway, there was a situation a few years ago – a situation from which I was aggressively woken in the middle of the night from my sleep and not allowed to go back to sleep – and it has since halted my ability to enjoy sleep the way I once did.  It’s been about 2 years and I still can’t sleep.  On some level, I’m scared to go to sleep.  The thing is, sleep is one of our vital needs.  We should all have the capacity, the comfort, to close our eyes and just rest.  And when that ability feels like it was taken away from you – you feel angry and tired.  Some days are better than others, of course.  But now, I just want sleep.

 So my body decided to give me this flu/bacterial infection thingamabob to make sure I get some, I guess.  Because I have to say, after about 5 days of deeply medicated sleep, I looked in the mirror and my eyes looked clearer and my face looked more rested than they had looked in months.  Even though I was still feeling lethargic and woozy today, I didn’t want to lie around at home another day.  So I decided to dress myself for the part of a girl who feels better, the girl who wears socks with Mary Jane heels – Mon Dieu!  Maybe she’s in Paris…all I need is a kicky beret.

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