Passionless Fashion

transforming our lives by transforming our wardrobes

Monthly Archives: February 2011

Day 69 – Monday

Ena - Day 69

Ena: Unfortunately, I have to keep today’s post fairly short, though I am wearing a relatively boring outfit so I suppose it’s really not too unfortunate.  I had a fantastic weekend visiting with my family in Palm Springs.  The weather was dry and a bit chilly, perfect for shopping, which we did…a lot.  My Grandma and I hit the thrift-stores like a couple of linebackers; the deals were great and never ending.  Seriously, if you like thrifting, get down to Palm Springs toot sweet.

We arrived home a little on the late side last night and I woke up a lot on the late side this morning, so I really had no time to experiment with my new purchases, which is why I am wearing this.  I am, however, wearing a gold-ish bracelet that I bought at the Goodwill in Palm Desert.  The bracelet is slightly tarnished, but I like the effect, it feels more antique-y.

Overall, the weekend’s shopping trips were a complete success.  I absolutely cannot wait to show off my finds, some of which absolutely blew my mind…stay tuned for the most exciting thrift-store find ever.  The awesome shopping was closely rivaled by the life-changing glass of freshly squeezed grapefruit juice that I had last night courtesy of my Uncle Mike; no kidding, it was crazy good.  As great as the shopping and juice were, the company was even better; Grandpa, Grandma, Uncle Mike, and Uncle Rodger, thank you for everything, we miss you already!

Bina - Day 69

Bina: Saturday night, for the first time in months, I went OUT. I put on my outfit from Day 59 and headed to a swanky newly-opened Hollywood bar with a few friends. I arrived at Kristin’s place early for the carpool. She asked me if I’d like a drink, and I politely declined, saying that I would probably be taking it easy this evening. Famous last words.

We went over to the new bar on Hollywood Blvd, and I ordered an Aviation from Alexis. Before I knew it, I consumed the tasty gin beverage and a Lavender Gimlet was placed in front of me.  Delicious. And Dangerous.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I turned to see an old flame. Yes, “flame” is the word I will use to describe this guy who I dated briefly and liked a lot at the time even though he would prove to be flaky and self-involved. If I had run into him a year ago, I wouldn’t have been too excited about the prospect of seeing him, but on this night, I felt just fine about it. He sat down next to me at the bar, told me I looked good, asked if I’d lost weight, etc. He also asked why I hadn’t returned any of his calls or text messages.

You see, he had called and texted at least 4 times in the last few weeks, always after 10pm, and frankly, I found it a bit offensive. Thus, no reply.  And I got the explanation for why he was suddenly trying to reach me – he was newly single.  Aha.  I told him that I found his text messages offensive, but still I flirted.  And I’ll be honest, it felt great.  It felt great to know that this guy no longer had an emotional hold on me; it felt great to know I looked good and that he wanted me; it felt great to know I had the power.

I flirted and flirted and flirted over a few more Lavender Gimlets. And then…I went home. And I felt like maybe…just maybe, I could do it – I could date again. Not that guy obviously. But I thank him for being there that night and letting me exercise my flirting muscles, even if I now realize he’s a giant Black & Decker Tool Sack.  At least now I can see it clearly. Ah, hindsight.

And apparently I felt so sassy this morning, I dressed like a Go-Go dancer.

Day 68 – Friday

Ena: Another cold, wet Friday morning standing in front of my still chaotic closet wondering what to wear.  This morning my desire to be warm and comfortable far outweighed my desire to be stylish, and so I settled on this not particularly stylish but exceptionally warm and comfortable outfit.  Yes, it is semi-boring, but today I don’t really care; I can feel my toes, so I’m a happy girl.

I am wearing my perfect jeans, the only waterproof coat that I own, a pair of Toms that I bought several years ago but have hardly worn, a super rad glass ring given to me by my beautiful sister, and this sweater, hands down the most amazing item of clothing that I have ever purchased at a thrift-store.  One hundred percent cashmere, this sweater is so warm and soft, when I wear it I feel like I’m snuggled up in a blanket.  The details, like the zipper in the back, the ribbing, the mock neck, and the subtle design around the arms, prevent it from feeling ordinary.  And the color, oooh the color (I may have finally conquered my fear of yellow); it is bright and sunny, and – as lame as this sounds – it reminds me of my childhood teddy bear and makes me wildly happy.  This sweater is, in short, divinity.

Though the rain is supposed to last a few more days, I am very much looking forward to this weekend.  My boyfriend and I are making the hour and a half trek to Palm Springs to visit my Grandparents who have come down from central California to escape the bad weather (go figure) and visit my Uncles.  While my boyfriend and my Grandpa golf, my Grandma and I will happily scour the area’s many unique and incredibly well stocked thrift-stores – seriously, they’re unparalleled.  The joy that this six dollar Goodwill sweater has brought me today is all the motivation I need, I’m ready to get out there and hunt down some more amazing deals.  I’m really looking forward to seeing my Grandparents and my Uncles; I love my family and I don’t get to see them nearly as much as I’d like.  Rain be damned, this is gonna be a great weekend.  I’m so excited, I cannot wait.

Bina: I didn’t mean to scare or alarm anyone with yesterday’s post, especially my adorably awesome Mom; I’m just working through a hard time right now.  But I do have faith that things will get better.  I have faith in myself that I can get through this and come out stronger on the other side.  Because now, I will always know what this feels like, and hopefully one day not so far from now, I’ll be able to look back on this time and truly appreciate being a happy, healthy person.

And now I will always have empathy for people who are going through a difficult time. (Of course, according to some, I have too much empathy already.)  During my panic-stricken day on Wednesday, I mentioned my horribly-timed screening of the film, A Serious Man. There is at least one good thing that came from watching that not-so-feel-good movie. It opens with this quote, “Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you” – Rashi.  It has stuck with me, and I remembered it last night when I was having trouble falling asleep because I was too busy worrying. I remembered that quote and thought to myself repeatedly like a mantra, “Worry doesn’t do any good.” It actually helped.

I woke up this morning and things seemed a little brighter, despite the overcast sky. I wanted to be warm because of the rain, and I had plans to hit Little Tokyo for lunch with Ena and another coworker. It’s only fitting then that I reached for this little number my mother brought me from Big Tokyo last year. It’s soft and awesome and has pockets! And it still had the tags on it. (It also came with a rather strange scarf-type thing that I decided against wearing. Oh, Japanese fashion!) I threw on some fun tights and debated throwing on a belt but opted to give myself a break; then I debated throwing on heels but gave myself a break on that one too. It’s Friday after all, and I deserve it.

Day 67 – Thursday

Ena - Day 67

Ena: Ok, so as I was sitting on my couch last night carefully dividing my time between reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (yes, I know, I’m quite behind the times) and watching Survivor (yes, I know, I’m quite lame), I realized something: I do not want to go back to school, not back into a degree program at least.  It’s true, I do miss learning new things and challenging myself, but I do not miss the mania, the overextension, the exhaustion, the madness.  I’m sure that there’s a way for me to exercise my mind without going full-blown student, I just need to figure it out.

I have considered taking a language class or a cooking class (not just a one-off) in the evenings at my local Junior College.  And, I know that as an alumnus I am able to attend lectures and lecture series at my former institution, but I’m not sure if any of those options will be enough; I guess I just need to do some research and give something a try until I figure out what works for me…more to come.

Though I was concerned about blowing my Goodwill wad all at once, I just couldn’t help myself; today I am wearing the skirt.  I found this skirt on my last trip to the thrift-store and I must admit that I am completely in love with it, I couldn’t be happier.  I love the way it flows, and the way it feels when I walk, and the swishing noise that it makes; I love the color, and the length, and the femininity; and, I love the way it reminds me of one of my dearest friends who would certainly look better in it than I do.  It’s funny and I am really glad that it turned out this way, because I almost didn’t buy it – I was really on the fence.  I guess that this should be a lesson to me, telling me that I should always go with my gut…or something like that.  And I suppose that this would be a lesson that I should apply in other non-wardrobe related areas of my life, like work, or education, or passion…or something like that.

Bina - Day 67

Bina: I’m here! Yesterday was what I shall now refer to as a hiccup on my road to recovery.  I was driving to work, wearing the outfit that I’m wearing today, hopeful that it was adventurous enough to get me out of doing embarrassing poses for the photos again.  (The one where I look like a mannequin does crack me up though – I was actually mid-hair flip.) I was just a few blocks away from the office when the panic attack hit me.  I pulled over immediately, got sick, and tried to calm myself. It seemed like I had been doing so much better; what now? I didn’t even know why I was really upset – I was just upset.

I logically realized that my body was probably reacting to the new medication the doctor had given me to help me sleep. I had started taking it over the weekend and had felt a little uneasy since then. Basically, while prior to this weekend, I was starting to feel stronger, now I was feeling myself regressing, and regressing quickly.  I called the doctor and I went home, knowing I was in no state to be at the office.  I tried to watch a movie in bed, but it turned out to be possibly the worst choice imaginable for the situation – A Serious Man. I don’t know if you’ve seen it but it’s a Coen brothers’ movie about a Jewish man in the 60s whose life and family goes to shit and he goes searching for the meaning behind everything; not exactly a “feel-good” film.

I visited my therapist and proceeded to have a meltdown of epic proportions. I actually dramatically sobbed out the words, “And everyone’s parents and relatives are getting sick or dying, and everyone’s cats are dying, and now I can’t stop thinking about death and mortality and what’s the point of it all?!!” After I had calmed down, even my therapist made fun of me for that one, and agreed that I was probably right about the root of the problem.  She said she had never seen me in such a state, especially with no “direct cause.”

In short, I had trouble sleeping last night, but I do feel better than I did yesterday. So I think that’s a good sign, and at least I’m getting intimately acquainted with my body’s chemistry. I will triumph! That’s positivity for you.

And here I am, in all my “adventurous outfit” glory.  You may remember these high-waisted burgundy trousers from such places as Day 12. Yep, that outfit was a real doozy. I’ve tried pairing them today with this top I bought from Banana Republic at least 6 or 7 years ago.  I think I stopped wearing the blouse because I had gained weight and couldn’t button it over my boobies, but now that I am apparently The Incredible Shrinking Woman, it’s no longer an issue.  I also read somewhere that pointy shoes are back – although I’m obviously out of the trend-loop because I didn’t know they had ever left. Whatever the case may be, I’m fairly happy with my attempt at being “fashion-forward” today. And with any luck, I’ll be even happier tomorrow.

Day 66 – Wednesday

Ena: Well, Bina is out sick today which is bad news for many reasons.  First and most obviously, being sick sucks, and I sincerely hope that she is feeling better and that I have the pleasure of seeing her tomorrow.  Second and far less important, she does not have the opportunity to see my completely non-boring – or, at least, my completely less-boring-than-yesterday’s-outfit – outfit.  Third and for purely selfish reasons, I do not have the benefit of hearing her comments, questions, or concerns regarding this getup; her opinion means a lot to me and it is terribly missed today.

You see, I think that I look alright today, but I never can be too sure.  I am wearing a pair of wide-leg powder blue trousers that I purchased at the Goodwill for five dollars.  I have since had them dry-cleaned and today is the first time that I have worn them out.  I had a rather difficult time determining what to wear them with, but, though I’m still not convinced that I made the best choice, I am not totally unhappy with the end result.  I do know that I absolutely love these pants, and I intend to purchase dozens more like them as soon as possible. 

Today I have been thinking about school and how much I miss it.  Yes, I said it; I miss school.  I love being in school (nerd alert!) and I have been thinking about going back, though I’m not sure how.  It’s difficult to explain and it probably sounds crazy, but, with the exception of all the pesky homework and unrealistic deadlines, I find school oddly calming.  After a mind-numbingly long, utterly pointless day at work I got to go to class and for four hours discuss things that actually interest me with people who actually care; I was challenged, I was forced to think, I learned

I was recently asked by a former classmate to edit his thesis, a request which I jumped at immediately and thoroughly enjoyed.  We met after I reviewed his work to discuss his project and other things scholastic, and during the course of our conversation I began to long for text books and assignments and lectures; sick, I know.  I need to exercise my mind, this is something that I know about myself and it is a large part of why I have been desperately searching for my passion since concluding my course work.  I am urgently in need of mental exercise; is it true what they say, if you don’t use it you lose it?  Well, I have to do something soon because I’d rather not find out.

Day 65 – Tuesday

Ena: Well, the long weekend is over.  It’s Tuesday, and I’m back…that’s it.  I’m not quite sure what went wrong this weekend, but I have returned neither rejuvenated nor looking fantastic and my attitude is pretty much crap.   I am not as tired as I was on Friday though, which means that I probably don’t have chronic fatigue syndrome (you can stop worrying, Mom); so, some good news after all.

Though it wasn’t nearly as rainy or event-less as I had hoped, and though I was forced to leave my house far more often than I would have liked, this weekend wasn’t a complete bust; it was actually kind of fun.  We were able to spend some very quality time with some very good friends while eating some very fantastic meals, which is, in my opinion, the best way to spend time, the absolute tops.

So, what am I complaining about?  Well, I had absolutely no motivation to clean and organize my closet.  Many of you may think that this sounds completely normal.  You don’t know me.  I am a self-described organizational freak; I am freakishly clean and organized.  I cannot function in chaos, which is why I feel sick to my stomach every time I approach my closet.  It has become my dirty little secret, my Picture of Dorian Grey, the darkest reflection of my self.  Even when not facing it, it plagues me, I cannot put it out of my head.  Something must be done.

Alright, maybe that’s a tad dramatic.  But, though it may not be eating away at my soul, my disorganized closet is most certainly (and severely) crippling my style, or my attempts to find some at least.  I would love to blame today’s boring outfit on my inability to locate anything in my closet, but, in the end, it all comes back to me.  I will not allow my closet to rob me of my inspiration or crush my good intentions any longer, I will do something about this…or, I will have to think of some more interesting poses for our photo shoots – the newly identified punishment for wearing a boring outfit.  This could get interesting.

Bina: Well, here we are on Day 65 – and dear lord, what were we thinking? 100 Days! I’m exhausted and the second act of this blog seems to be dragging a bit in my opinion.  Of course, whose fault is that?!! Whose?!! Well, I was really hoping I could blame someone else, but I guess it’s all my own fault.

Yes, my outfit is lazy today.  And, yes, my attitude was a lazy one all weekend.  I spent most of my time wearing sweatpants and catching up on my DVR. Not exactly the productive writing weekend I had envisioned.  I was, however, graced with a visit from my beautiful cousin Meena, her husband, and their adorably rambunctious 1-yr old, Rohan aka RoRo the Destructor. (He greatly enjoys sweeping everything off a table with his arm in one fell swoop.)

Also, as you can tell, Ena and I have synced up our fashion cycles, so to speak. This has happened on a few occasions throughout this project, and we never call each other to talk about what we plan on wearing. Please note that when we have accidentally dressed as twins, it is usually in some kind of gray/black combo.  What does it all mean? Well, nothing really, except that we like gray & black apparently, and somehow these outfits tend to be the easiest to throw together, perhaps? This jumper thing is from Forever21 about 5 years ago, and you’ve seen all the rest before.

I’m trying to learn to stop being so hard on myself because this is how I could wind up in a downward-shame spiral. “Oh crap, I didn’t do that” “I’m worthless” “I suck” blah, blah, blah. I think today’s photos are punishment enough. So I’m just going to say I had a restful weekend and I will continue to work towards my goals.  After all, as Liz Lemon would say, “It’s never too late for now.”

And there are a few people in this world who actually believe in me much more than I believe in myself, though I know that’s not the way it should be. (I should, after all, be my own biggest fan, right?) Well, one of those inspiring people is my gorgeous younger cousin, Raina. I want her know that I believe in her just as much as she always believes in me. Happy Birthday, Rainers! I love you!

Day 64 – Friday

Ena - Day 64

Ena: The situation: wet, cold, and windy weather; an office thermostat perpetually set to 62 degrees; a 5 block walk to an elementary school to read to some kids.  The solution: wear something warm and waterproof which does not touch the ground and which is fashion-forward and stylish.  The results: hmmmm…

Seriously – and once again – I have absolutely no idea what I am wearing today, so, please, don’t ask.  While it does meet a number of the desired criteria, it certainly, and sadly, does not meet them all.  I bought these pants last weekend at the Goodwill for five dollars and I think that I will get a lot of use out of them…five dollars worth at least.  I picked up the rest of my Goodwill purchases – along with 17 other items – at the drycleaners this afternoon, so hopefully you’ll be seeing something new (and fabulous) next week.  A thorough closet cleaning-reorganizing extravaganza is in my future; I cannot wait.

It’s no secret.  I have been lethargic, grumpy, brain-dead, and pretty much incoherent all week; believe me, I feel completely off.  I don’t know what my problem is, and, you know what, I don’t really care.  I do know that we all have days, or weeks, or months (eek! say it ain’t so) like this, so hopefully most of you can relate.

I plan to spend this long weekend hibernating; I will read, I will nap, I will watch movies, I will eat, I will nap, and I will shake it off.  I hope to return on Tuesday feeling rejuvenated and looking fantastic with a positive go-get-em, can-do attitude.  Wait…maybe I’m setting my sights a bit too high.  Maybe I’m setting myself up for disappointment, better keep my expectations low.  Ok so, I hope to return on Tuesday…that’s it.

Bina - Day 64

Bina: Well, I think I played some kind of race card today, but it’s not any race I actually belong to, so hopefully it’s not offensive. But if it is, we’ll just consider it tiny payback for the casting of Memoirs of a Geisha. The dress is from the Goodwill on Hollywood Blvd, and I think someone homemade it in the early 80s.  The material is this super-cheap poly-rayon-blend-kinda-thing (I don’t know much about fabrics) but it’s quite see-through in most light and static cling is its best friend.  I arrived at work and realized I’d forgotten to put on a slip during my mad dash out of the house to make it to an early meeting.  Then, as I speed-walked from my car to the office, the static situation presented itself in full-force and I was left with Ena’s biker short problem.  There’s also some gaping in the seam on the top part of the dress, but I just tucked it into the belt and safety-pinned it together.  And I am wearing black tights with open-toed brown vintage shoes. I see people on fashion blogs doing it, but I’ve never really done it real life. I have no idea if it is tacky or cute. Yes, I am a real piece of work today.

I really, really like this one-of-a-kind dress, despite its character-building flaws. I actually wore it for the first time to an “Asian Persuasion” dinner party a few weeks ago, only to realize that I was the only person who dressed for the theme. That was a little embarrassing, but at least I matched the food and remembered my slip that night.

I actually wound up looking online at lunch for some kind of quick-fix to the static cling problem. One executable idea I found was to rub a little lotion into your hands and then onto your tights. This seemed to alleviate things slightly.  But I’ve mostly been keeping my legs together as much as possible (yeah yeah) and trying to stay out of the brisk (by LA standards) wind.  At least it’s overcast out there, but the fluorescents inside the office aren’t helping the sheerness situation.  I hope everyone has thoroughly enjoyed the show.

The rainy long weekend can’t get here fast enough because I’m nervously excited to get back to my screenplay, and I think this weather will provide the perfect backdrop for me to actually do it. And so I can go put some pants on.

Day 63 – Thursday

Ena - Day 63

Ena: Today has been a pretty bad day. I woke up late, something I rarely do…though, I have done it twice this week already. I decided that I’d just arrive at work a little late – no big deal – and I was taking my sweet time until I remembered that (holy crap!) I had an early meeting with overseas people that I absolutely could not miss. Needless to say, it was a mad dash to get out of the house, who the hell cares what I’m wearing as long as I’m wearing something kind-of morning. No bueno.

I had planned to wear this top, which I really, really like, with something completely different, but oh well…no use crying over snooze-bar mishaps. My wild, hectic morning set the pace for the rest of my day which has been a complete disaster, a real doozie. Please accept my sincerest apologies for the rushed, ridiculous, nonsensical post; it’s bound to happen from time to time. We are, after all, workday bloggers, we have precious little time to think about, compose, or edit our posts, so on days like today it can be challenging to say the least. On second thought, I retract my apology…it could be much worse.

Bina - Day 63

Bina: So I’m wearing a white tuxedo shirt today (with Forever21 skinnies, a ring donated to me by my fabulous cousin, and a metallic belt from the Gap circa 2001), and though this may not seem that out of the ordinary, it is. Let me tell you why.

I don’t wear much white. It’s not because I’m not idyllically virginal; that’s just silly. It’s because I’m a klutz and kind of a slob. In fact, today, for lunch I smartly ordered the special: spaghetti with meat sauce. Smart, Bina. Good thinking. As I sat down at my desk to eat it and work, I remembered I was wearing this white shirt. And we hadn’t had time to shoot the pics yet.

I unfolded a napkin and tucked it into my shirt like I was a toddler – to hell with it. (Btw, I still wound up with a few tiny stray splatters. Because I’m awesome! Yeah!) Wearing white requires grace and delicacy and while I can be graceful at times, I can also very often drop things, trip over cracks, miss my mouth, twist my ankle, run into glass doors, etc. It’s almost like the very color of the shirt is teasing you in a whisper, “Go on, mess up just the tiniest bit – and I’ll tell the whole world.”

Damn you, White!!! (shakes fist in air)

Okay, I’m back. The other thing about this shirt is that I bought it at a thrift store in Atwater Village for my Halloween costume this last year. I was going to be Go-Go Yubari from Kill Bill but then I got dumped two days before Halloween sooooo I kinda wound up staying in. Despite the friendly invitations to get trashed or make out, at the time, nothing seemed less appealing than being around a bunch of drunk people in costumes.

This makes me think a couple of things. One – that seems kind of long ago. And two – now I think it was the right thing to happen, because it wound up sending me down this path, and maybe I needed to go down it.

Day 62 – Wednesday

Ena - Day 62

Ena: It is cold, windy, and rainy here today, and I am a mess.  I have absolutely no idea what I am wearing; it was a last minute decision.  I had planned to wear something completely different and ridiculously chic, but – due to the “extreme” weather conditions – I wore this instead.  I suppose that I should have planned better.  Oh, will I ever learn?

Though my outfit leaves much to be desired, it did get me thinking about all of the women living in places with actual weather; how do they manage to leave the house every day wearing anything other than pajamas and a sleeping bag?  That’s certainly what I’d be wearing.  I mean seriously, how do women bring themselves to dress stylishly while faced with having to battle the elements?

Having spent 18 of my formative years living in Seattle – wet weather, yes, but by no means harsh; Minnesota it is not – you’d think that I would have some sort of insight into this question;  but no, I’ve got nothing.  Far from stylish, I did manage to make it out of the house (most days) in something other than bedtime or camping attire, though I have no idea how.

My mind must be doing some kind of post-traumatic memory suppression thing, or I have been living in California long enough to have forgotten the weather induced outfit horrors of my past…or I have early onset dementia.  Either way, days like today do remind me how good I have it and why I absolutely love where I live.  But, more importantly, days like today remind me how amazing the women living in less friendly weather conditions are; it takes major dedication and motivation to do what you do, truly awe-inspiring.  As evidenced by today’s pictures, you are all stronger than me; mad props.

Bina - Day 62

Bina: This morning, when my iPhone alarm went off above my head, I wanted to hurl it across the room and yell “Nooooooooooo!”  But I did not.  It wasn’t really quite so dire, but I pulled back the curtain and looked out at the rain pelting the window and wanted to stay in bed with intense malaise all day. But I did not.  After about another 10 minutes, I got up and things were gonna be okay.

I knew I didn’t want to wear anything constrictive so I threw on this bohemian standby and grabbed my denim jacket and this Forever21 scarf thing which I love – I feel so cozy.  My dress is too long (on account of my short little Japanese legs) and it has already been hemmed slightly but I guess not enough.  The hem is soaked and I keep tripping over it with my cowboy boots, which I am pleased to have brought out again today.

Cowboy boots remind me of my Dad.  My Dad loves the rodeo, and he loves Texas. He is the only middle-aged East-Indian man I know with a Texas accent, and his friends at Lockheed-Martin call him Joe. He learned how to be an electrician in the U.S. Navy on the Midway, and he came to this country with practically nothing but the clothes on his back when he was 17.  I admire him for all that he has accomplished and provided for our family.

I’m not going to get into any specifics – so please don’t get too uncomfortable – but I’m sure plenty of us know what it’s like to grow up with an angry drunk.  We are quite impressionable in those formative years, aren’t we?   Anyhow, he has been sober for the last few years with the short-term aid of anti-depressants, and it truly feels like a miracle.  He’s like a different person now , and while we still clash on occasion, we are learning how to communicate. Last year, on a family excursion to India, my Dad finally said “You know what? You’re pretty cool.”  And that meant a lot.  We are realizing how very similar we truly are.  I have his face. I have his cheeks.  I have his hands and feet.  I have his temper. And I have his anxiety.

Every Valentine’s Day, because she’s awesome, my Mom sends me a care package.  This year, the post office got it to me a day late, so I excitedly opened up my goodies last night.  Let’s see – Godiva truffles, microwave popcorn, Hawaiian dress, Forever21 gift certificate, and the card.  The sentiment of the whole card was beautiful and was already making me a little weepy.  And then I read what my Dad wrote. Every year that I can remember receiving a Valentine’s card, my Dad has scrawled the same thing: “Love you and miss you – Dad.” Every year.

This year, he wrote: “Bina I miss you so much and hope you will get better very soon. Bina you are a carbon copy of me. Love you, Dad.” I cried. We are beginning to understand each other.

Day 61 – Tuesday

Ena: Today I am wearing something black and boring and completely comfortable, and, while not a total failure of an outfit, it was a very lazy choice, not something I am terribly proud of.  For reasons unbeknownst to me, I have been violently tired this week, completely incapacitated by fatigue – today especially – and I am having a difficult time finding the energy to dress myself…to dress myself well, that is.  Sue me.

I am also finding it difficult, in my semi-comatose partially brain-dead state, to come up with enough words to write a semi-informative partially entertaining post.  Again, sue me.  I was able, however, to scrounge up what little life-force I had left for this afternoon’s photo shoot, and – I’m sure you’ll agree – the results are astounding, truly glorious.  And now that I am completely drained, I will curl up under my desk until it’s time to go home.  Alright, not really, but it sure sounds nice.

Bina: I have received no less than 10 compliments on my tights today.  Again, Alexis owned these for a while, before she decided, “Hey, I never wear these, want ‘em?” I did.  Then, I proceeded to never wear them for the next 4 years.  Nice.

But I’m wearing them today, dadgummit!  I have a newfound love, and I don’t care if it’s just for tights – I feel I’ve finally broken through to the other side.  I see tights for what they really are – a game changer.  These particular tights were a real conundrum.  It’s no wonder Alexis didn’t wear them – what should you wear burgundy argyle-patterned tights with?  I decided basic black was one way to go.  I have worn this tunic – from a 500 yen bargain bin in Tokyo – once before, and last time (Day 8!), I wore it over jeans with no belt and a shit-ton of Mr. T necklaces.  I suppose I’m learning how to use clothing pieces in completely different ways, so that’s promising.

Let’s see – what else to say today? Work’s been crazy, Ena’s jumping picture made my day, and….ugh, I got nothing. Yeah, intense malaise, right here, ladies. I think I’m about to tear this belt off right now and go eat a chocolate baby. 

Day 60 – Monday

Ena - Day 60

Ena: Well, it’s Monday and love is in the air.  Alright, so it’s just cookies, cake, chocolate, and Chanel No. 5, but that smells like love to me.  I officially consumed my V-Day sweets quota at approximately 2:15 this afternoon, so there’s really nothing left for me to do today except endure the sugar crash until it’s time for bed.   That’s amore!

All kidding aside, I was very fortunate to receive some beautiful flowers from the man I love, which is better than any V-Day sweet that I can think of…except maybe for cheesecake, but no one ever gives cheesecake for V-Day so never mind.  Even though we are staying in tonight, I used the festive occasion as an excuse to wear a new dress which I purchased a few weeks ago and which I quite like.  I paired the dress with my new boots which I am still completely in love with; fairly apropos I think.

Further to last Monday’s post,  in which I included a list of things that I hoped to accomplish by today, and to the rushed mess that was Friday’s post, I will now revisit some previously mentioned topics with the intention of fleshing them out.  I made contact with a very helpful individual at the LA All School All Stars who will be getting back to me regarding weekend volunteer opportunities.   I also learned quite a bit about the Beyond The Bell program, including that it is funded by the No Child Left Behind Act which means that I need to contact (and join?) one of the federally approved agencies  in order to volunteer for the LAUSD during non-school hours; next step, more phone calls.

According to the good people at the LAPL, my assistance will not be needed until I complete the GAB training, so I have registered for the March 19th session and in the meantime I intend to continue volunteering as a Friday Reader.  I also revisited my list and I have decided that besides taking the free archery class – which we will do as soon as I can find a Saturday sans obligations – the next two tasks that I plan to tackle will be taking a cooking class and learning to knit.  Beginner knitting classes are Saturdays at 2, and there is a Thai cooking class that I am considering signing up for on either the 15th or 16th of March.

And, finally, I did make it out thrift-shopping this weekend; I was only able to make it to one location, however, because (oh my goodness!) thrifting can be very time consuming.  I did purchase what I believe are some good finds, but I have sent them all to the drycleaner to be de-thrift-stored, so I’ll have to wait until next week to model them; I’m sure the suspense will be killing you.  I know that I said finally, but I lied.  The only task that I was unable to complete by today was purchase a new dresser; I simply ran out of time.  No, I am not perfect or completely organized or able to accomplish all the items on my to do list…but at least I was able to make it through the entire weekend without watching a single Top Chef marathon, so that’s something.

Bina - Day 60

Bina: I had a very interesting weekend. Well, I thought so, anyway. I had a visitor in town. You see, this particular friend, well, he’s been a special friend for years. I highly doubt he’ll ever make it over to this blog to read this, but if he does, then I don’t think he’ll mind too much as a playwright and screenwriter from NYC himself.  We’ll just go ahead and call him code name: T.S. Eliot.

I’d say T.S. Eliot and I have known each other for about 7 years or so – we met back in New York and I was immediately attracted to his All-American freckles and East Village intellect.  It took him about a year to figure out that I existed and might not be repulsive to touch.  When he did, I was elated. The morning after our first intimate encounter, as I admired an art print hanging on his Lower East Side closet-sized bedroom wall, we made plans to see the Murakami exhibit at the MOMA that week. Predictably, I didn’t hear from him. And when I relented and texted him breezily the next Saturday, he informed me he was “strangely in DC” and leaving for Ireland the next day for the rest of the summer.  I ate a lot of junk food that day.  He’s Just Not That Into You wasn’t a movie yet; otherwise I probably would have been watching it.

Obviously, I got over it.  And when he returned at the end of the summer, I was in a very different place.  I was excited about so many things – leaving for Alaska to do a show for 4 months, moving to California the following year to start a new life.  When he reached out and wanted to see me, I thought, “Now that I know what this guy is about – I know exactly what he’ll be good for.”  I went out with him, we had an amazing time.  I told him he’d been kind of a jerk but I was over it.  I was happy about my life.  And I could tell that it suddenly made me way more intriguing – as it usually does. The boy did send me homemade brownies in Alaska.

Since then, we’ve continued a transcontinental friendship, as we have each woven our way into and out of a series of failed relationships.  We’ve learned a way of communicating that is direct and frank – sometimes embarrassing for one of us as we are not necessarily in the same place at the same time.

This Sunday, we were sitting on the couch, giggling and rubbing kitties’ bellies, when T.S. Eliot slid over close to me, and said, “Hi.” I started laughing a little, “Are you trying to make out with me right now?”  He said yes, and then I had the moment, you guys.  I had the Carrie Bradshaw moment where I started crying and I said, “I can’t.”

Instead, we played Connect Four, as he tried to tell me, “You know sometimes when I feel sad, that makes me feel better.” Well, he’s nothing if not persistent.  I asked him, “Why?! Give me a good reason why you want to make out with me.”  He said, “You’re cute.” I rolled my eyes and laughed.  I told him I realized after my last relationship ended, in which the affection had meant so much to me, that I am not currently interested in making out with someone for a “you’re cute” or “you’re here” or “you’re willing.” I was going to need better reasons, and I knew he couldn’t give them to me.

I kicked his ass at Connect Four as we chatted about love and relationships and writing. Then, he kindly left. And I was so inspired that I wrote 17 pages. Happy Valentine’s Day, T.S. Eliot.