Passionless Fashion

transforming our lives by transforming our wardrobes

Day 67 – Thursday

Ena - Day 67

Ena: Ok, so as I was sitting on my couch last night carefully dividing my time between reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (yes, I know, I’m quite behind the times) and watching Survivor (yes, I know, I’m quite lame), I realized something: I do not want to go back to school, not back into a degree program at least.  It’s true, I do miss learning new things and challenging myself, but I do not miss the mania, the overextension, the exhaustion, the madness.  I’m sure that there’s a way for me to exercise my mind without going full-blown student, I just need to figure it out.

I have considered taking a language class or a cooking class (not just a one-off) in the evenings at my local Junior College.  And, I know that as an alumnus I am able to attend lectures and lecture series at my former institution, but I’m not sure if any of those options will be enough; I guess I just need to do some research and give something a try until I figure out what works for me…more to come.

Though I was concerned about blowing my Goodwill wad all at once, I just couldn’t help myself; today I am wearing the skirt.  I found this skirt on my last trip to the thrift-store and I must admit that I am completely in love with it, I couldn’t be happier.  I love the way it flows, and the way it feels when I walk, and the swishing noise that it makes; I love the color, and the length, and the femininity; and, I love the way it reminds me of one of my dearest friends who would certainly look better in it than I do.  It’s funny and I am really glad that it turned out this way, because I almost didn’t buy it – I was really on the fence.  I guess that this should be a lesson to me, telling me that I should always go with my gut…or something like that.  And I suppose that this would be a lesson that I should apply in other non-wardrobe related areas of my life, like work, or education, or passion…or something like that.

Bina - Day 67

Bina: I’m here! Yesterday was what I shall now refer to as a hiccup on my road to recovery.  I was driving to work, wearing the outfit that I’m wearing today, hopeful that it was adventurous enough to get me out of doing embarrassing poses for the photos again.  (The one where I look like a mannequin does crack me up though – I was actually mid-hair flip.) I was just a few blocks away from the office when the panic attack hit me.  I pulled over immediately, got sick, and tried to calm myself. It seemed like I had been doing so much better; what now? I didn’t even know why I was really upset – I was just upset.

I logically realized that my body was probably reacting to the new medication the doctor had given me to help me sleep. I had started taking it over the weekend and had felt a little uneasy since then. Basically, while prior to this weekend, I was starting to feel stronger, now I was feeling myself regressing, and regressing quickly.  I called the doctor and I went home, knowing I was in no state to be at the office.  I tried to watch a movie in bed, but it turned out to be possibly the worst choice imaginable for the situation – A Serious Man. I don’t know if you’ve seen it but it’s a Coen brothers’ movie about a Jewish man in the 60s whose life and family goes to shit and he goes searching for the meaning behind everything; not exactly a “feel-good” film.

I visited my therapist and proceeded to have a meltdown of epic proportions. I actually dramatically sobbed out the words, “And everyone’s parents and relatives are getting sick or dying, and everyone’s cats are dying, and now I can’t stop thinking about death and mortality and what’s the point of it all?!!” After I had calmed down, even my therapist made fun of me for that one, and agreed that I was probably right about the root of the problem.  She said she had never seen me in such a state, especially with no “direct cause.”

In short, I had trouble sleeping last night, but I do feel better than I did yesterday. So I think that’s a good sign, and at least I’m getting intimately acquainted with my body’s chemistry. I will triumph! That’s positivity for you.

And here I am, in all my “adventurous outfit” glory.  You may remember these high-waisted burgundy trousers from such places as Day 12. Yep, that outfit was a real doozy. I’ve tried pairing them today with this top I bought from Banana Republic at least 6 or 7 years ago.  I think I stopped wearing the blouse because I had gained weight and couldn’t button it over my boobies, but now that I am apparently The Incredible Shrinking Woman, it’s no longer an issue.  I also read somewhere that pointy shoes are back – although I’m obviously out of the trend-loop because I didn’t know they had ever left. Whatever the case may be, I’m fairly happy with my attempt at being “fashion-forward” today. And with any luck, I’ll be even happier tomorrow.

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4 responses to “Day 67 – Thursday

  1. Maura February 25, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Ena,
    Speaking of tyring to find your passion, or feeling passionless…Theron and I have decided to start actually doing some of the things we always talk about…or say ‘that would be so much fun, we SHOULD really do that sometime’ about.
    Not sure that it will spark any passion in you, but two things so far that we are buying supplies for and will be teaching ourselves on the weekend are screen printing for T-shirts etc (I’m SO escited to get started on this) and we bought a super nice photo printer, and frame making equipment, so we plan to actually make the frames and cut the glass etc for prints…which brings back our mutual passion (that brought us together in the first place) photography. Just thought I’d share my little bit of news about finding a passion. I’m not sure that any of these will be THE one, but I am so excited about all of them – and really proud of myself for DOING instead of DREAMING….you’ll find yours someday, but in the meantime, maybe just enjoy the ride and have fun trying all new things until you find THE one :)

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