Ena - Day 88
Ena: I know it doesn’t look like it, but it rained today. It rained this morning, then the sun came out, then it got cloudy and windy, and then the sun came out again. We have been experiencing schizophrenic weather here in Los Angeles this week, and, frankly, I’m sick of it. It’s gonna rain? Fine, rain; I can deal with rain. What I cannot deal with is being dressed for rain when it’s actually 70 degrees outside. What I cannot deal with is being prepared (or unprepared) for whether that might (or might not) happen. Grrrrr.
Alright, in actuality I can deal with it and I have been; I’m just tired of it. And yes, I know that we Southern Californian’s are really quite spoiled and that I shouldn’t complain because I’m probably making people sick, so I’ll stop. Preparing myself for rain this morning and really wanting to be comfortable, I decided to wear my favorite jeans and my crazy thrifted plaid booties to keep my feet dry. Jeans and booties in place, I proceeded to throw on a number of loose tops attempting to achieve…well, I don’t really know what; a schlumpy-dumpy, messily layered, sorta artsy, (hopefully warm), layered look. Right.
I really have no idea what compelled me to put this mess together, but here I am. I am feeling pretty upset with myself over my lack of enthusiasm this week; in my outfit choices, my pictures, my posts – for whatever reason, I feel like a failure this week. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna go home and eat poinsettias or anything, it’s really quite the contrary; my blah-ness is actually inspiring and motivating me to do better next week. Next week I’m hoping for better outfits, better pictures, better posts, better everything. I am also hoping that I can avoid looking like Parks and Recreation’s Leslie Knope ever again. Just sayin.
Bina - Day 88
Bina: My first love introduced me to Annie Hall. He taught me immeasurable amounts about good movies, music, and art; for that, I’ll always be grateful. You see, he was a whole lot of firsts for me, but I was certainly not a lot of firsts for him. He was different and dangerous; I liked that about him. I had always been the quiet Good Girl; I liked that this Bad Boy noticed me. He said ridiculously romantic things like “you’re my angel” and professed he was falling in love with me while parked in his van on campus after we had been dating for two weeks. He was passionate; he was talented; he was rock and roll. I was completely in over my head.
In my heart of hearts, I knew that he wasn’t faithful. The anxiety about what he was doing behind my back was a sickness – it ate away at my soul. But I didn’t want to believe it. Because I loved him. I was 21, and like many girls with father issues, I thought I could change him.
I remember the day my suspicions were confirmed. Well, there were a series of confirmations really, but there was one in particular that I remember because…well…because I punched him in the face. I had never punched someone in the face, and haven’t since, I swear – I don’t belong on Flavor of Love or anything. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but my fury clearly didn’t last too long because…we got back together.
Being an artist and musician, like any good Bad Boy, he wrote a rock musical called In the Middle of the Ocean partially inspired by our story. With lyrics like “he broke her heart but still she loved him” interwoven with pirate ships and Greek mythology, how could I not swoon? The climactic number is sung by the main character, Camilla, as she pleads with the devil for her love, proclaiming that she is “Anything But Soft.” You can listen to it here; it’s pretty amazing.
And so, we tried to rebuild. We lasted for six years. We matured into our 20s together in New York, and we loved each other, but I could never get over the past. I couldn’t trust, and without trust, relationships die. There’s a line in Annie Hall – “A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.” So our shark died, and it was very sad. Because despite all the heartache, he had become my best friend and favorite playmate. But we had to let it go. I had to be anything but soft.
Today, we are friends. He and his wife just had a baby! I’m actually very happy for them, even if I momentarily thought it would be brilliant to mass-produce T-shirts that say “My ex-boyfriend just had a baby and all I got was this lousy blog (insert URL here).” Maybe not.
As for me, well – double gulp – I have a second date tomorrow. La-di-da, la-di-da, la la.