Day 81 – Wednesday

Ena - Day 81

Ena: Today is a bit cooler than yesterday and I am dressed a bit more appropriately.  I really wanted to wear this skirt today; I really like this skirt.  This skirt makes me feel great and it is so much fun to wear.  I didn’t want to wear the exact same outfit as the last time I wore it though, and so this is what I came up with; kind of an Alice in Wonderland, 50s school girl, ballroom dancer type of thing.  I’m not sure if it’s completely working, but I did like today’s pictures much better than I thought I would and that is always a good sign.

Since I went with the grey-ish tights, I decided to wear this grey-ish cropped blazer.  I picked up this blazer on my first thrifting trip back in November but this is the first time that I’ve worn it.  I like it a lot, it’s just that it’s really structured and a little difficult to wear.  The shoulders are extremely padded, very serious, and a little intimidating.  But, after today, I am inspired to keep trying; I will figure out the correct way to wear this blazer, I will.

Today is also the first time that I have worn a skirt with tights and flats.  I consider this a huge step toward becoming more comfortable with my legs, and, since summer-weather is rapidly approaching and I cannot hide behind fabric forever, I am hoping that the next step will be wearing a skirt or dress bare-legged, without tights or leggings.  Alright, so I did sort of do that the other day, but that was a long skirt and, believe me, it will be much, much more difficult for me to do with something shorter.  It would be an enormous step though, so I really hope that I have the guts to try it before this project is over.  Cross your fingers, it’s gonna take a lot of courage…and self tanner.

Bina - Day 81

Bina: I wore this dress on Day 1. Oh, the places we’ve been since then! Can you tell these are my new favorite shoes? I’m quite pleased with the comfort-meets-style criteria they satisfy. The scarf was a gift from my best friend, on her wedding day. I love the colors, so pretty, reminds me of the ocean and the beach where the festivities were held.

I have always loved the ocean, the magical and mystical ocean. When I sit on the beach, I always feel as though if I breathe in and out deeply enough, problems drift out to sea. At the same time, I have always been terrified of the ocean – the things that lurk beneath the water you cannot see, the waves that can crush you into the rocks, the tide that can pull you away from the shore. It’s a crazy powerful thing, that ocean, as we have obviously seen recently.

Did you hear the story about Diane Sawyer visiting a group of tsunami survivors sitting amongst rubble in Sendai? (I wish that were the beginning of a joke.) Anyway, one of the men offered the reporter something to eat. In a country where millions have no food or water, she declined. But he insisted. Sawyer later shared the moment on television and described the “incredible kindness, and incredible strength” of the people she’d met. This is who the Japanese are; George Takei recently taught American viewers about the concept of gaman which means to endure with fortitude and dignity, restraint and self-control. (Not to be confused with unagi or “a state of total awareness.” Sorry. I’m tellin’ ya, I can relate anything to Friends.)

There have been days when I cursed my lot in life. I felt like I came from a long line of women who were scorned in some way, a line of family members who struggled with anxiety and addiction. My brother once told me he jokingly went to a psychic who said he was cursed in love; she then told him all he needed to do to break the spell was buy some $100 candles. Any time I’ve had friends do my tarot cards, or read my astrological charts, they say I will have a life filled with pain, but then again whose life isn’t filled with pain?

I mentioned yesterday that my perspective has changed. I no longer see myself as coming from a line of women who were victims of the way they were mistreated. I see that the stock that I come from is the stock of survivors.