Day 100 – Wednesday

Ena and Bina - Day 100!

Ena - Day 100

Ena: So today, for the grand finale, I thought I’d show you all something you’ve never seen before – my knees.  Wow.  With the exception of Day 1 which is in its own league of disaster, today has been the most challenging for me.  From the moment I left my house, I have been extremely self-conscious and nervous to the point of light-headedness.  I have also caught myself feeling defensive and confrontational (feelings made worse by the dozens of onlookers present at today’s photo shoot), as though preparing for a fight.  But, as uncomfortable as I am today, this outfit represents a big step for me and I am so glad that I was able to find the courage to wear it by Day 100.

As a segue into this final post, and as a way of elaborating on a point that I was trying to make but had to rush through in order to get to 826LA on time (it was fantastic, by the way – everything I had hoped), I would like to revisit the last paragraph of yesterday’s post.  I’m not sure that I properly articulated my reason for sharing my meltdown anecdote and I don’t want there to be any confusion.  I suppose that learning, especially this close to the end of our project, that I at times still feel directionless, hopeless, and less than satisfied with my life could lead to the assumption that I failed in my mission to become a more happy, successful, and passionate person.  That simply could not be further from the truth.

I am most certainly a happier and more passionate person today than I was prior to beginning this project, there is no doubt about that.  I have found two volunteer projects that I am incredibly passionate about and that I plan to support for many years.  As for success, I may not have achieved all that I hope for yet, but I am now even more confident that someday I will.  My reason for sharing the anecdote was to illustrate that, far from being indicative of failure, Monday’s episode solidified for me the universal nature of momentary meltdowns.  This project has taught me that the brief lapse in sanity I experienced is in no way symptomatic of deficiency, it’s symptomatic of life.

This project has also taught me that I can accomplish anything, that I am capable of so much more than I ever thought.  Not to get too cheesy (or too plagiarize-y), there is a line from the book Eat, Pray, Love that sums up exactly how I feel about what I have learned over the course of this project.  In the book, the author writes, “I remember an old catholic joke about a man who spent his whole life going to a church every day and prayed to the statue of a great saint begging ‘please, please, please, let me win the lottery.’ Finally the exasperated statue comes to life and looks down at the begging man and says ‘my son, please, please, please, buy a ticket.’ So now I get the joke.”  And now so do I.

So, to wrap up, I would like to thank my friends and family for their overwhelming love and support; despite my initial reservations about sharing this part of my life, this project would have been a lot less fun (and challenging, and embarrassing, and humiliating, and…) without you.  I would also like to thank all of our readers (turns out we have more than five after all) for their encouraging comments, and for not judging us too harshly.  And, finally, I would like to thank Bina without whose unparalleled powers of persuasion I would have never, ever, ever participated in a harebrained scheme like this and without whom I would not have become the person I am today.  Thank you all for sharing this journey with me.

Bina - Day 100

Bina: My doubt regarding this blouse began to creep in when I was checking out at the Goodwill. The cashier looked at the tag and asked me, “Did you get this from the pajama section?” Um, no, no ma’am, I did not. Regardless, I took it home and it has been hanging and looking at me from the closet. This morning, it was now or never. The blouse was the base of my outfit today and I tried to build everything around it; I took one last look at myself in the mirror and thought “pajama top” but then thought “to hell with it” and walked out of the house.

As I entered the gate at work, I stole a glance at my reflection in a nearby window; I was startled by a man’s voice, “You look perfect.” Caught in the act, I laughed and said, “Thanks!” to the dude lounging on a cart, and I walked with a little more bounce in my step. I picked out this drape-y blouse because I was enamored with the minty-blue-green color, and the shape reminded me of Kim Basinger’s 80s blouses in 9 ½ Weeks –  remember when I was infatuated with that movie’s looks?  Anyway, here I am, in my Day 100 outfit, and I don’t care if it’s a pajama top or not, I love it.

Look, we all know I’ve worn some pretty crazy-ass shit to work over the course of this project. But it was totally worth it because I’ve learned so much about my style and myself in the process.  I tried lots of new things – like Tahitian dancing, volunteer dog-walking, reading to children, meditation, yoga. And I revisited some old things – like screenwriting and theatre. I feel a little bit like I just ran a marathon; though, obviously, I know this doesn’t really compare, I feel drained from all of the emotional introspection. I started this blog with a bit of a broken heart and a broken spirit, and I feel extremely proud that I stand here today, wearing the ultimate accessory – a smile. Looking back on some of the scarier days is hard for me, but I think it’s somewhat educational. And I’ve grown and changed so much in the last 5 months. Sometimes now in the middle of cleaning the kitchen, I’ll strike a yoga pose and meditate for a few minutes. To you, that may sound totally granola and hippie, and I agree, it is, but, hey, what’s a girl who is part Buddhist/part Hindu warrior to do?

Did we achieve what we set out to accomplish? In my eyes, yes. I think somewhere along the way this turned into something bigger than I had anticipated. While it started as a way for us to learn about style and try new things, it became something more – a journey of self-discovery, if you will.  Sometimes it was a trip down memory lane; sometimes it was a place to vent; sometimes it was a place to report on our gingerbread house.

I’d have to say one of the most important things I learned from all this is discipline. I learned to commit to something, and I learned to finish something I started. Now, I find myself reinvigorated and inspired – ready to tackle the next thing and finish that, too. And, sometimes, you find inspiration in the strangest places. For instance, last night, in typical Hollywood fashion, I found myself in an intimate screening room with my friend Alexis and Bradley Cooper . . . yadda yadda yadda . . . when I got home, I opened my laptop and got back to work.

*Thank you so much for reading and sharing this time in our lives with us.

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